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Time Harmonizer

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I love to plan and organize. I am list maker. I learned the Franklin Covey method of time management in the early ’80s and still follow most of the tenets.

Having learned about how to balance my time, I used to try and walk this delicate tight rope. I even achieved limited success, mostly in spurts.

Then I had an epiphany. I would never, ever, be in balance. Just not in my wheelhouse to do so. Even after several years of working the plan, it wasn’t working for me.

That is when I heard the harmony in connection with something completely different than time management. But I grabbed the word, whirled it around in my head, played with it on my tongue, and ultimately let it settle deep in my soul as my new mantra. Now, I am a Time Harmonizer.

Don’t get me wrong, balance is still a great thing. Only now, harmony makes much more sense for my life.

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I love to plan and organize. I am a list maker. That describes me today but it hasn’t always been that way.

I was born into a chaotic home. I became a very busy teenager and young adult. Then I studied professional time management (See Question #112) in my early twenties. Using my daily planner to account for my time, I used to try and walk the delicate tight rope they call a balanced life. I even achieved limited success; though mostly only in spurts. Now, I call myself a Time Harmonizer.

Here is my story.

Born into Chaos

In Greek mythology, Chaos was the very first of all, the origin of everything, the empty, unfathomable space at the beginning of time. But it was more than just a gaping void. Personified as a female, Chaos was the primal feature of the universe, a shadowy realm of mass and energy from which much of what is powerful in the world would stem forth in later genealogies.

Life is now sometimes described as chaotic. It can be overwhelming. It is easy for the “just a minute” to become “tomorrow,” and then “next week.” We have busy schedules, appointments, traffic, meetings, obligations, meal plans, parties to attend, deadlines to meet and so much more.

I am the sixth child in a family of all girls. I was born into chaos. My mother went back to working outside the home when I was 2 years old. My father worked nights, so I was home with him for a few years. Then I went through a series of baby-sitters, one of which was my oldest sister Penny who was married by the time I was only 18 months old.

My parents always had an open-door policy, or rather a revolving door policy as I like to call it. There constantly seemed to be someone who needed a place to stay, and our home was it. In my mind, this revolving door just kept spinning with the ins and outs of cousins, aunts, uncles, ex-uncles, friends, wayward teens and the like. Few, if any, were ever refused refuge under our roof. Looking back, I am horrified about how dangerous this was for us girls, but that is what my parents did and I knew no other way of life.

Add to all of this that my mother was a working women which didn’t leave much time for keeping house. I was the baby and was not made to do chores. My older sisters were pre-teens and all that entails. Suffice to say I was not raised in a neat and orderly home. That in and of itself was a breeding ground for a chaotic mind.

Though my mother was organized at her work, these skills were not demonstrated or mentored in my home. Along with my mother and us girls not keeping the inside clean and tidy, my father lived as if our home were a junk yard. His projects and subsequent tools for such were strewn everywhere about the place. The old adage “Everything has a place and everything in its place” was not practiced in our home.

Mom and Dad were both of the World War II generation that lived through the great depression where you saved everything. Even if it was broken, you may have needed a part from the object in the years to come. My parents were not extreme hoarders; however, if there were such a thing as a hoarders spectrum, they would clearly fall somewhere on it.

At some point, I began to wonder if it were possible to step away from the chaos.

Becoming Too Busy

Through high school, my early twenties, and as a new bride, I always felt like I was running to and fro, falling behind or rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off. Being that busy isn’t always a good thing. But I was young and thought I could ‘do it all.’

Being busy was fashionable. It still is. My attitude was that if I wasn’t busy all the time, then life was boring. I ran from work to church activities, from coaching my nephew’s soccer team to a late night date. I couldn’t miss a young adult dance, no matter the distance I would have to drive. I busied myself with church callings and social events. I worked full time, owned a Camaro and lived in my own apartment. I had gotten into the habit of being busy and didn’t know how to stop. Truthfully, I didn’t want to stop.

I hadn’t yet heard and probably would not have believed at the time that the word busy was simply an acronym for Burdened Under Satan’s Yoke, B.U.S.Y. I believe this now, but back then, B.U.S.Y. had a strong hold on me at every juncture in my life.

In A Guide to the Scriptures published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, following is the entry for the word Yoke.

Yoke: See Also Disciple
A device put around the necks of animals or men to harness them together. The yoke of Christ is a symbol for discipleship, whereas the yoke of bondage is a symbol for oppression.

See. Even A Guide to the Scriptures agrees with me. Satan can put you under bondage if you yoke yourself to him instead of Christ. Corrie ten Boom once said that if the devil can’t make you sin, he will make you B.U.S.Y. There is truth in that. Both sin and busyness have the exact same effect – they cut off your connection to God and to other people.

I was attending all my church functions, but my private spiritual life was suffering, though one would have never thought Two cows yoked together
it if they looked only at my public spiritual life. I wasn’t making time for prayers and scripture study. I had stopped writing as consistently in my journal as I did during my mission. But hey, I was having fun! I wasn’t doing anything evil; they were good things. Even important things. Were they necessary things?

Necessity is a high bar when you think about it. As animals, we have very few absolute needs: food, water, and shelter. As human beings, we have a few more: freedom, community, love. Meeting these needs takes effort on our part. For a person of faith, I would add the hierarchy of God, spouse, children, everyone else and everything else.

Looking back, I see that I was in full-fledged Martha mode. You know the story. It is found in Luke 10:38-42

“And a certain woman named Martha received him [Jesus] into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

With a new husband, a new job, a new apartment, a new ward to attend; I seemingly had so little time with so much to do. Projects, commitments, priorities, important phone numbers, goals and desires were all jumbled and scribbled on my work desk calendar, sometimes the back of used envelopes and invariably on sticky Post-It notes that were always lost when I needed them.

Being too busy is truly the opposite of freedom; whereas obedience is freedom’s best friend. An easy life isn’t an option; an easy yoke is. It would be decades before this secret of the easy yoke really sank in and took root inside me.

Beginnings of a Balanced Life

It’s late 1987 and I am still a newlywed. I find a job closer to home at DeVere Anderson Enterprises. They hire me on as the receptionist. I quickly move up the ranks to Assistant to the Head of Marketing. At this point, the company invests a little money into training me and sends me to a Franklin Quest seminar (See Question #112).

Here is a portion of what I learned at the seminar.

“Each of us lives his or her life according to a unique set of governing values. Lying at the core of who you are as a person, these governing values are things that are most important to you – for whatever reason. Because they include those traits and beliefs that are the fundamental building blocks of your personality, you may not be able to explain their importance; they are just important to you. Whatever your particular governing values may be, they are represented by the clearest answers you can give to these questions: What are the highest priorities in my life? Of these priorities, which do I value most?”

I took the information I learned and spent the entire next weekend identifying and putting together the first rough draft of my values. I refer to these now as my Core Values (See Question #113). It was a hard task. Looking closely at my deepest motivations was a little pain wrenching. I went through many revisions in the first few months. I came up with five solid values; Spirituality, Eternal Companionship, Motherhood, Friendship, and Integrity.

As a working married women with no children, I thought I had it all together. I now had the tools I needed to stay on top of the balance beam called life.

Fast forward to the year 2000. I am now the mother of two and no longer work outside the home. I have surpassed my mother at keeping a clean house, but admittedly, still have a long way to go in that department. There was always more laundry, kids’ homework assignments, church callings and business tasks then I could perform in 24 hours. The calendar I kept hung on the kitchen wall and I no longer used my Franklin Planner.

I was not sure how I went from organized working women to this frazzled mother of two. I knew I had to take back control. Not that I could lighten the load anywhere, I just needed to bring the whole haphazard whirlwind of my life into an orchestrated and purposeful condition.

I can recall in living color the day I snapped. It was summer time. While sitting in my stale-French-fry-scented car, waiting in front of the church for my son to emerge from a Cub Scout meeting, Dr. Phil asked me a question (by way of CD, of course). If I were paying someone to manage my life, and they were doing the job as well as I was doing it today – would I fire them or give them a raise? Call it what you want – an epiphany or an Ah-Ha moment. In that instant, though alone, I blurted out “You’re fired!” Thus began my quest to re-acquire the elusive Holy Grail named balance.

I needed a starting point. So I went back to the Core Values that I had written several years prior. I had to dust them off, update a few and reacquaint myself with them as a whole, but they were a platform I could build upon once again.

I had originally written five Core Values so many eons ago. In reality, it had only been 13 years since I first penned them.

By beginning my quest afresh for balance as a wife and mother, I knew I needed some working copies of my values, and not the fancy ones I had printed on beautiful paper in my seven ring leather bound binder. I opened the computer file where I had my values stored, and one name caught my eye. It read ‘Financial Success.’ I thought to myself, “I don’t have a value named Financial Success.” Thus, I called it to the screen.

It was a value I had played with, taken notes on, but never solidified. The timing had never been right before. I knew I needed this value, and in truth, it had always been there inside me. I just struggled with wanting it to be a value. It took some prayer, but the simple act of re-naming the value brought it into focus. I was able to write it with ease. Its name is Provident Living. It thus began its work as my sixth Core Value. By finally acknowledging my need for Provident Living and getting it in black and white, I could feel my face turn toward the warmth of balance, though still very faint. I had begun in earnest.

A few months later, I was finally able to write another value that had been nagging at me and I could never quite figure out how to incorporate. With my resurgence of using my Core Values as a basis for planning and goal setting, I allowed myself time to meditate and clearly think about this missing piece. The value I had always held dear and never knew how to express on paper is now titled Appreciation. That made seven.

Balance began to re-emerge in my life. But little did I know that my quest had not yet fully bloomed.

Attempt #1: The Color Coded Calendar

The first item of business was to assign each one of my seven values a color for my Franklin Planner. In this manner, I could visualize each appointment or task as an improvement in that Core Value. For instance, orthodontic appointments and laundry were both blue for Motherhood. Going to the theater, again, with my movie-loving husband was now purple for Eternal Companionship. If the Relief Society President called unexpectedly and asked me to serve, I could drop everything, do the task and then come home and change my whole day to the color yellow for Spirituality. Even though “me time” wasn’t elevated to a Core Value, maroon was the color I used for taking a long bath or watching Star Trek re-runs since everyone needs time to re-charge their battery, or as Stephen Covey explains it, sharpen the saw. I was still booked solid with a rainbow of colors, but felt I was more successfully managing my B.U.S.Y. schedule.

The truth is, it didn’t changed much of what I did in a day, but it changed my perceptions of the meaning of what I did. When a business task took hours away from house cleaning, I simply stepped over some of the clutter on my way to the calendar to re-assign that time block green for Provident Living.

I had been trying to plan so that every day had a little bit of each color. However, often a day would be consumed by only one color. This would sometimes happen because an unexpected need arose like it did in the example with the Relief Society President. But other times it would happen when work needed my full attention. Filling in an entire day with one color made me feel a little guilty for ignoring the other colors…but I didn’t see a way around it.

In the end, I believed I had found a modicum of balance through changing my belief in why I was doing somethings instead of what I actually did.

Attempt #2: My Hat Collection

I soon discovered that using only my Core Value titles in the system left me lacking in some arenas. In order to compensate, I compiled a list of roles that I needed to perform regularly.

There was a time, not long ago, when everyone wore hats. Many of those hats were specific to a given trade, such as a polieman or construction worker. The idiom, wear several hats, means to hold or function in more than one position or role.

If I literally had a different hat for every role I have played in life, I could be the owner of a haberdashery (old-time word for hat store) which I would name Dana’s Mad Hattery. Every one of us could own a similar store. Try this exercise. Sit down and write out all the different roles YOU have to play at different times of the week/month/year. You will begin to see how quickly the hat racks in your own establishment fill up.

Here is the inventory list I jotted down, each of my hats if you will, in no particular order:

Wife, Girlfriend (to my husband), Mother, Daughter of God, Disciple of Christ, Church Member, Visiting Teacher (now called Ministering Sister), Business Partner in two Construction Companies, Sister, Friend, Trek Coordinator, Temple Attendee, Family Home Evening Instigator, Accountant, Event Planner, CEO of Palmerville, Chef, Marketing Specialist, Maid, Taxi Driver, Seamstress, Bookkeeper, Camper, Genealogist, Dishwasher, Laundress, Tutor, Family Alarm Clock, Backpacker, Mechanic, Secretary, Boy Scout Leader, Personal Progress Leader, Devoted Scripture Reader, Facebook Contributor, Teacher, Outdoor Enthusiast, Septic Installer, Sister-In-Law, Aunt, Cheerleader for Husband’s Budding Business, Nutritionist, Dutch Oven Lover, Hiker, Dietician, Counselor, Greeting/Birthday Card Sender, Life Long Learner, Appraiser, Tax Preparer, Compassionate Service Provider, Auto Detailer, Digital Scrapbooker, Journal Writer, Activities Director, Missionary, Relief Society Teacher, Inventory Specialist for Family Food Storage, Financial Supporter, Grocer, Zombie Apocalypse Prepper, Home Decorator, Business Owner, Girls Camp Leader, Student, Graphic Designer for Website, Referee and just plain Self.

Brainstorming as many different roles as I could made the above list huge and unwieldy. The many aspects I identified needed to be reduced even further into smaller groupings. Roles that complimented each other were combined into a single Major Group Heading, also known as a hat rack. For example, I could lump Temple Attendee, Journal Writer and Digital Scrapbooker (hats) all under the role of Genealogist (hat rack). So when I called out time for Genealogist, I could actually choose from several roles as long as I was meeting my individual goals.

The next step was organizing my hat racks into departments. I had more clearly defined fourteen major roles (hat racks); I could now place these into their best possible Core Value (department). Sure, some hat racks could be placed in a couple different departments, but I was striving for balance. The two Core Values that had the most consistent overlap were Eternal Companionship and Motherhood. So I decided to combine these two departments and name it Immediate Family. Though these two Core Values were separate and still had distinctiveness, there were differing purposes for doing some of the same tasks. I also discovered that Integrity had no specific role, but was simply a way of being. It ran throughout all my values.

Therefore, Dana’s Mad Hattery ended up with five departments (Core Values), in which there were a total of fourteen hat racks (Major Grouping Category), each hat rack having a varying number of individual hats (Roles).

As all good managers know, you must spend time in all the departments to make sure they are running smoothly. I needed to re-organize my time daily, weekly and monthly to see that each department, hat rack and each hat was having their needs met. This would be better. I had less colors in the calendar but each one was in focus. Back to the rule of balance. Strive for a rainbow of colors each week.

When I had finished this organization of roles, I felt that I was less likely to play the role of Fireman everyday (putting out one fire after the next) to living like Smokey the Bear (preventing the fires in the first place).

Attempt #3: The Magic of Magnets

Alrighty then!

I had my list of roles and all the things I needed to do each month to support that role and keep it functioning. I had my color-coded calendar. Yet, something was missing. I needed a better way to track my progress on the rainbow scale.

You must understand that I am a spontaneous person. I rarely feel comfortable locked into a specific pattern of doing things. I even make my husband change which side of the bed we sleep on every once in a while to break up the monotony. Thus, I devised a plan that would allow for flexibility, yet still helped me accomplish my goals for the week.

I also needed a tool to help me accomplish the goal of balance, not run my life. I needed to form good habits and I was looking for a tool to help do just that. Once the habit was formed, I could put the tool aside. It was as simple as purchasing a magnetic dry erase board and a roll of flat magnetic tape.

I assigned each department an allotment of time for the week. As long as I was working within those time frames, I could move around the exact time of day I was getting it done. Of course I had a generic plan for the day as far as time, but rarely did it go as planned. Remember, I am first and foremost a wife and mother, and when you wear those two hats, chaos is the usual order of business.

I decided I would begin tracking my time at 5:00AM and stop tracking at 8:00PM Monday thru Friday. I like to go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00PM, so this fit perfectly in my day. Saturday would only have 5 hours of which I would need to account for in this system. If I did more, great. If not, fine. All work and no play makes Dana a dull girl (so the saying goes). I would allow myself to have all of Sunday unscheduled. I could of course work on a few of the items that were appropriate for Sunday worship. They would count as hours amassed for the coming week. That way, I could get a little jump start on the week and feel like I was ahead of the game. That gave me a total of 80 hours a week to track my goal of a balanced life.

The first block of time I set aside was for Financial Support. I knew I only wanted to work during my children’s school hours. This would not always be possible, but if I swapped an hour or two here and there, it wouldn’t be a big deal. This gave me 7 hours on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and only 6 hours on Wednesday since our school district had adopted a late start program. This meant I had 34 hours a week to devote in that department. Out of the 34 hours for Financial Support, I would spend up to an hour a day in the Entrepreneur area. Not quite a full time job, but I was comfortable with that figure. Part of the problem with being out of balance came from this department in my life. I would just have to be more efficient or turn down assignments if I was spending more time here. I knew the Lord would bless me to run a successful business within this time frame.

The next department I looked at was Immediate Family. I wanted to work at least 5 hours a week as Maid. I figured I could cook, eat my own lunch and go to the grocery store within 14.5 hours a week. I could then take 10 hours for CEO work.

The Spiritual side of me needed my attention next. If I wanted to read scriptures daily, I would have to put aside 3 hours. Since I was the Pioneer Trek Leader at the time, I allotted myself at least 2 hours a week for the assignment, unless I worked on it on Sunday. I also wanted to be able to attend the temple twice a month. One of those times would have to be during unscheduled Saturday hours and once a month I was going to have to carve out time from the Financial Support department, which could be made up during unscheduled Saturday time if needs be. It started to look like I was going to have to do most all my other genealogy during unscheduled Sunday time. Of course there was also ministering and compassionate service. I would allow 1.5 hours per week and trade off which ones got done. Feeding the full time missionaries could just get done during regular Chef hours.

I now had 11.5 hours to be a wife, mother and friend during scheduled hours. It began to dawn on me just how hard this balancing act was going to be. Just trying to put this all on paper made me feel B.U.S.Y. again.

My husband and I like to have date night weekly. I could take the final 2 hours of Friday and reserve them for this weekly tradition. Staying up later on Friday would be mandatory.

Here is the final list of Core Values and the Major Group Headings and how many scheduled hours of each week would be allotted.

I began August 30^th, 2002, two years after I had fired my old-self and began anew. This was the Sunday before the first day of the regular school year for my children.

I took the flat magnets and made little squares with the department name written on them in a different color. Each magnet stood for a half-hour of time.

The dry erase board I purchased was divided into squares like a regular calendar month. Each day of the week had five squares allotted. I used the whole column of five squares in which to place my magnets each day. Then I wrote in dry erase pen next to the magnet what I did with my time.

By Saturday afternoon, I could take a complete accounting of the week and start over. If I didn’t have time that Saturday to document my achievements, I simply took a digital photo of the board. This I saved until I had some planning and preparing time (which I called P&P). This is tracked under the Financial Support department since a major portion of the time was spent planning my business day as well.

Following is my first time allotted plan, but only until the kids got home from school. I tested it for three weeks to see how well it would work out. I kept a journal everyday of what I had planned, and then what actually happened.

Monday – Tuesday – Thursday – Friday

5:00AM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family Make Lunches/Wake up boys/Serve Breakfast

5:30AM 0.5 Hour(s) Spiritual Scripture Study

6:00AM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family Wake up Mandy/Serve Breakfast/Do Dishes

6:30AM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family General Housecleaning

7:00AM 0.5 Hour(s) Motherhood Alone time with Mandy/homework if necessary

7:30AM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family Drive Mandy to bus/Shower

8:00AM 1.0 Hour(s) Financial Support P&P/Answering e-mails/Admin duties

9:00AM 3.0 Hour(s) Financial Support Real Estate Appraising

12:00PM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family Lunch

12:30PM 2.5 Hour(s) Financial Support Real Estate Appraising

3:00PM 0.5 Hour(s) Immediate Family CEO of Palmerville

Completely LUDICRUS! Did reading all this actually make your head hurt like it did mine? And to think I thought this was living the balanced life! Sheesh!!!

Attempt #4: The Penny Jar

Ultimately, I couldn’t keep up with all the tracking of time. I didn’t just stop using it one day, but nonetheless, my magnet system hit an iceberg and sank to the bottom of the ocean like the Titanic. It hadn’t even lasted nine months.

“From the very day that she was designed she was almost doomed.”
Paul Louden-Brown, White Star Line Archivist

It took me a couple years to recover. I was so exhausted by my efforts to track my hours this tightly, that I waited a couple years before I started tracking anything again.

This time, my method was a simple use of 2 jars and 36 pennies. I figured to keep my appraisal business profitable; I would need to invest a minimum of 36 hours per week. So every Monday I put 36 pennies in the jar on the left side of my computer monitor. Every time I stopped working, I would move one penny for every hour over to the jar on the right side of my computer monitor. If on Friday there were still pennies in the jar on the left side, I knew I would have to work Saturday.

I know you are thinking, “But wait! Isn’t your role of Appraiser only one aspect? Why aren’t you tracking something like how much time you spend with your family?”

I know it sounds bad, but at the time, I was trying my best to only work during the hours my kids were in school or after they went to bed at night. But I had so many other things competing for my time during school hours, I needed something simple to keep me focused on the ONE aspect that made money. The penny jar, as with all my other attempts, fell by the wayside only a year or so after it began. Sad but true.

In 2007 and 2008, the proverbial ‘you know what’ hit the fan in the housing market and I quit being an appraiser.

Time Harmonizing

Let’s jump ahead a decade. I know that sounds pretty jarring, but I hadn’t made any significant strides during the previous 10 years towards making peace with my schedule.

Steven Covey famously says, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” I was doing the exact opposite. I had also stopped calling to my memory Steven’s other quote that I used to hold on to. “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

By now, both of my children were grown. Mandolin was married to Gary, lived in California, and was raising my first grandchild, Aristotle (Aero for short).

Andrew was home from his mission and attending college in Monticello, Utah.

I was living in three different locations. Washington state in my 15’ x 15’ office space with a loft. California in a rental home with Douglas as he was working full time for Peterson Cat. And Texas with my sister Melissa as I had begun to build a new business in the Lone Star State.

During February of 2017, an eighth core value I have had since birth, but never thought of the word as a value, arrived with such force that I was able to sit down and write it in minutes. No hesitation. It flowed out of me with such precision I don’t know why I hadn’t acknowledged its existence sooner. I named it Joy.

How had I overlooked one of my deepest core values? How had I gone so many years without this value being at the base of my productivity pyramid? I can only answer that this Core Value has truly been supporting and propping up all my other values for my entire life. It has been the wind beneath my wings and I never recognized it as such.

During 2019, I was plugging away, still striving for the perfect balance in life. Then it hit me; my own personal ton of bricks fell metaphorically upon my head. I would never achieve balance the way I truly perceived it.

My epiphany came as I was listening to a podcast. The speaker said the word harmony, not in relation to time management at all, but my mind clung to the word. I knew right then as well as I knew anything, that I would never, ever, be in balance; it was just not in my wheelhouse to do so. Even after several years of working the plan, the plan wasn’t working for me. But I grabbed the word harmony, whirled it around in my head, played with it on my tongue and ultimately let it settle deep in my soul. I would strive for Harmony.

Here is the problem. The word balance alone made me conjure up the image of the blindfolded women holding the scales of justice and mercy. Over the many years of struggling to gain balance in my life, I had personified this statue. Balance was her name. Reality or not, this is what I thought of her.

Balance has her beauty,
but she is also blind.

Balance whispered to my mind
that all pursuits
had to be given
the same weight,
the same amount of time.

Balance is rigid.
I am fluid.

Balance has a left and right side.
I am a swirling pool.

Balance deals in weights and measures.
I failed high school accounting.

Balance never had been, nor ever would be, my friend.
I had feuded one too many times with this foe; this double edged sword which cut swiftly and deep. I lost every battle I ever pursued with her.

I discovered for myself that I could never be Balance. The pursuit of becoming Balance was futile. Balance will never actually exist for me. Balance is better than B.U.S.Y., but not by much, not the way I was doing it and it certainly did not suit me.

Ergo, if not Balance, then what? My life will always be in commotion. What else is fluid, swirling, and still exudes peace?

Harmony. The answer lies in harmony.

Harmony is beauty in commotion.

Harmony expresses a combination of delightful notes that make an exquisitely joyful noise. A harmonic piece of music never has all its’ notes played simultaneously. Some notes are played often, some occasionally, some only rarely and some never at all.

Harmony is my new mantra; an adjective that I turned into a verb, then personified. Harmony is my new best friend. She is kinder and gentler than Balance. She listens with her heart. She doesn’t carry a scale or wield a sharp sword.

I need to state right here that transformation doesn’t just happen in an instant. I may have changed my mantra, yet I still had much to learn.

At very least, with Harmony, I am at rest. And I use the definition of rest that was given me by President Nelson.

“Despite the distractions and distortions that swirl around us, you can find true rest – meaning relief and peace – even amid your most vexing problems.” Overcome the World and Find Rest, By President Russell M. Nelson, October 2022 General Conference

What is relief?
1) It is the removal or lightening of something painful, troubling or burdensome, or the strength to endure it
2) It can refer to a person who takes the place of another
Moving away from Balance into Harmony was my relief, in both circumstances:
1) Harmony is lighter, less troubling, certainly not Burdened Under Satan’s Yoke.
2) Harmony took the place of Balance.

Ultimately, I have found relief from the nagging suspicion that I was broken somehow for not being able to live up to Balance. I am not broken; as the saying goes, I just dance to the beat of my own drum.

What is peace? I couldn’t explain the answer any clearer than Elder Wirthlin.

“In the scriptures, peace means either freedom from strife, contention, conflict, or war, or an inner calm and comfort born of the Spirit that is a gift of God to all of his children, an assurance and serenity within a person’s heart. The dictionary definition states that peace is a state of tranquility or quiet, freedom from disquieting thoughts or emotions, and harmony in personal relations.

The value of peace within our hearts cannot be measured. When we are at peace, we can be free of worry and fear, knowing that with the Lord’s help, we can do all that is expected or required of us. We can approach every day, every task, and every challenge with assurance and confidence in the outcome.” Peace Within, By Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 1991 General Conference

The moment my soul grabbed onto Harmony, I was at once at peace with her. I had yet to test out her strengths, nonetheless, I was onboard. Balance, on the other hand, was tossed over-board.

It was time for the violins and cellos to rosin up their bows, the clarinets and saxophones to wet their reeds, and the percussion section to begin their warm ups. I was about to conduct my life and schedule like an orchestra. Well, in my case, more like a 70’s or 80’s rock band, without the drug addictions. I was ready to begin making a joyful noise with my life choices.

It was around this time that I stumbled on the book entitled The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World. By John Mark Comer

Its’ pages catapulted me away from Chaos, away from being B.U.S.Y. and desperately seeking Balance to accepting a Harmonious approach.

Here are some quotes and personal notes I took that left an imprint upon my psyche while digesting the lessons therein.

Learn to deal with the panic of not being busy.
What would life be like if God touched my life as frequently as I touched my phone?
Let God take care of the world.
I live with an undercurrent of anxiety that rarely goes away; so busy with life that I miss out on the moment.
The solution is not more time. It is to slow down and simplify my life.
I can’t do it all! Life is a series of choices. Every yes is one thousand no’s.
I waste copious amounts of time. How I spend my time is how I spend my life. It is who I become or don’t become.
How do I live deliberately in the middle of the chaos and the noisy fast paced urban digital world I call home?

More than just notes, below are the three personal revelations I received straight from Heavenly Father in the course of my reading:

Re-read “Let God Prevail” – By President Russel M. Nelson, October 2020 General Conference
Ask yourself these three questions… Who have you become? Who are you becoming? How do you become the person I showed you in your Patriarchal Blessing?
Find a way to gather up the raw materials of your life and make something new.

I had an outline from which I could begin to re-write the sheet music of my life. I changed from being my own Business Manager to becoming my own Composer. Of course, my Lord and Savior has been and always will be the Conductor. I just needed, and continue to need, to listen to the Still Small Voice calling me to action and pointing me down the paths I should take.

Six Ways of B’ing (Being)

I decided to re-work my own personal areas of focus. Each one begins with the letter ‘B’. This helps me remember that I am trying to BE something, not just DO something. These new classifications are still based on my Core Values, as they are the best guide I have written thus far. My orchestra, my new groove, my 80’s rock band style of life, in short, my Harmony, would consist of (in alphabetical order):

Backdrop – Life’s little chores that need done. Everyday matters. Things I do because I am the Chief Executive Officer of the Palmer household.

Beauty – Fulfilling my need to be surrounded by nature. To help quench my desire to travel new roads and see new things.

Becoming – Because I am a Daughter of God, I need to be growing into the Celestial Being I was meant to become. These are the spiritual habits and character traits which I want to adopt, improve or maintain.

Buddies – My relationships with spouse, children, sisters, friends, church members and beyond.

Business – Duties, tasks and goals I perform in the realm of provident living.

Body – Self-care in the form of exercise, nutrition and appearance.

With these six classifications, or rather, these differing ways of Being, I can make beautiful, harmonic life choices. They encompass the notes in my day to day living. Each classification can glide in and out, in whichever quantity or beat seems appropriate for the reason or season. I now use a program called Remember the Milk to write out tasks and order them, same as I did in my hardbound Franklin Planner, but I am done with the colors, magnets and pennies.

Good and Bad Habits

Life, as in music, may have repeating patterns; the chorus if you will. This repetition, in the right places and at the right times, adds to the beauty and familiarity of the song. So it is with good habits. They are like sweet music that you never tire of hearing.

On the opposite spectrum, Sister Overly has stated, “Just as a piano will fall out of tune and needs to be adjusted, there will be parts or “keys,” of my life that will need to be tuned, not just once or twice but dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of times. It is through regular repentance that I can realign and tune my life to play in harmony with my Savior, Jesus Christ.” Bonnie Overly, March 2020 Ensign

I see repentance not as just one of the 88 keys on a piano that is occasionally played. In my case, I need to be ever constant at striking the repentance key if I want to keep living the harmonious life.

The Drum Solo

Up until the 1920’s, the drum solo didn’t exist because the modern drum kit had yet to be born. But after Ludwig patented the foot pedal in 1909 and economics forced bandleaders to look for guys who could play all the drums – snares, bass, tom-toms, cymbals and whatever else – all at once, we entered a new era in percussion.

The drum solo is one showstopper that could last moments or minutes during a concert that allows the drummer to shake the restrictive chains of timekeeper and showcase their flamboyant and bombastic skills. Essentially, at its core, the drum solo is only an extension of the drummer. Such is life.

Sometimes the rest of the orchestra remains silent while the percussionist bangs the gong in a lonely, rhythmic sentiment. Sometimes the rest of the rock band members simply need a break and the drummer takes over the stage, leaving the roaring crowd breathless after the cacophony.

I know this because it happened to me. Case in point. December of 2021, my husband Douglas fell 12 feet off a landing onto a concrete slab. He broke eight ribs, seven vertabrae, had bleeding on the brain and was in all around bad shape. I thought I had lost him.

I ended up living in the hospital room with him for a little over three weeks. I slept, if you could call it that, on the couch or recliner. Only went home once, at Doug’s insistence. Then I helped him through his brain surgery in January. After that, I tended to his convalescence at home for a few more months. No color coded calendar, or moving magnets around a board could have helped me through this time of crisis.

It was my drum solo.

Just me. No one else could have tackled this role. My son Andrew and his wife Dani were living with us at the time, but Dani was pregnant and Andrew was doing his best to make a living.

Just me. Even the week my daughter Mandolin drove out to Texas to help, she contracted Covid 19. I then had the added duty of keeping her quarantined and fed, while being grandma to my 6 year-old grandson Aero.

I am not complaining. I mention it because I am forever grateful that I didn’t have to try and balance everything in life. I simply told myself, and I am not kidding, “Dana, this is your drum solo. Every other member of your 80’s rock band has left the stage. You are alone. You have this one instrument to play. There is nothing else as important in this moment for you to perform.”

It was then I learned that drums, all by themselves, can make some beautiful music.

The Secret of the Easy Yoke

Back to the acronym B.U.S.Y. Burdened Under Satan’s Yoke. Matthew 11:28-30, it reads: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Sad, but I had to learn how easy it was to bear Christ’s yoke through my own experiences. It would have been much better had I simply learned it from Matthew’s words. Yoking myself with Jesus Christ is ultimately the secret to an easier life. Taking his easy yoke enabled me to bear the weight of life and to find rest and healing for my soul. Life is hard and Jesus does not offer me or you an escape from this reality but He offers a better way to bear the weight of it – not an easy life, but an easy yoke.

President Nelson has said, “Entering into a covenant relationship with God binds us to Him in a way that makes everything about life easier. Please do not misunderstand me: I did not say that making covenants makes life easy. In fact, expect opposition, because the adversary does not want you to discover the power of Jesus Christ. But yoking yourself with the Savior means you have access to His strength and redeeming power.”

Overcome the World and Find Rest, By President Russell M. Nelson, October 2022 General Conference

Harmonious Living

Life is like a symphony, with ups and downs, many surprises, triumphal marches, and instruments in sync with each other. It took me 57 years of my life to internalize this concept and use it to my benefit.

Living harmoniously means to me a state of being that encompasses all aspects of my life. It is my holistic approach to life that integrates my body, mind and spirit. When I am living in the highest state of harmony, I feel a deep sense of well-being and contentment.

One essential aspect of living harmoniously is practicing gratitude. It is about cultivating an attitude of appreciation for the present moment and all the blessings and opportunities it holds. Creating a harmonious environment played a pivotal role in my journey. I established a space in which to retreat, a tranquil corner at the top of my staircase that I named my Gratitude Corner. It is where I go to pray, read scripture, write hand-written letters, etc. Through this intentional action, I experienced a profound shift in my life. Living harmoniously became a way of being, rather than a fleeting pursuit.

Just the other day, while praying in my Gratitude Corner, I received the impression to pull out my Patriarchal Blessing and read it again. Upon reading the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, I stopped. One word hit me with tremendous force. I almost cried. In fact, I teared up a little bit. It was an answer to a prayer I never prayed. Here is the sentence.

“You have been given in this blessing an explanation of the trials in this life because the Lord spoke to you of these, but your life will be filled with happiness and success, and love, and kindness, and harmony.”

It was always there. I was always meant to reach for Harmony. And to think the Infinite Omnipotent God knew that the 16-year-old me wouldn’t recognize it for another 43 years, yet He put that specific word in so He could show it to me on the exact day I needed it.

I believe that living harmoniously is not an abstract concept but a tangible experience that can be cultivated and nurtured. I have found some insights and practices that have empowered me to navigate the complexities of my way of life and cultivate my own state of harmonious living.

Living harmoniously is not about eliminating all challenges or hardships from my life, but rather, it is about how I navigate and respond to them. It means being mindful of the rhythms and cycles of life and allowing myself to ebb and flow with them.

Living harmoniously is also about embracing personal growth and lifelong learning. It means being open to new experiences, perspectives, and ideas. It is about finding my own unique rhythm and dance.

Is my life as melodious as the Moody Blues album Days of Future Passed? Not yet. But I have followed in the Moody Blues footsteps and mixed classical with some progressive rock. I have highs and lows. I incorporate fast rhythms with some slow movements.

I am getting it. I have better habits. I am becoming my better habits.

I have learned that living harmoniously is not a destination but a daily practice, a conscious choice to prioritize my well-being, and create a sacred space within and around me.

Today, I continue to do my best to walk the path of harmonious living.

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